Tonight is the last night of field camp. Im thinkingA hot shower is just 20 hours away. It was really tough at first. It was like a combo meal where everything is upsized; intensive lessons, test, physical activities, and the cycle repeats. I look back and wonder how did i ever survive even the first BMT phase of my army life. The SISPEC environment is really different. There aren't that many blur people and even if they are, they know how to conceal it. It seems that everyone are fending only for themselves even when unity is an integral part of the army. Everyone are 'fighting' in one way or another. Pushing to cross over to OCS, some try not to stand out so they won't be picked for Advanced section leader course (ASLC). There actually quite alot going on in this small building.

And as part of Basic section leader course (BSLC), field camp is part of the 'highlight'. Field camp is the time where the really selfish people reveal themselves. Vulgarities starts flying and responsibilities are being footballed around. But of course, the truly genuine people surface; friends i call, that volunteers to carry your load when you are literally dying, friends that always help to fill your water ration even when he is as tired as you are.

I dont deny, but during this field camp, i was selfish; looked away when volunteers are needed, shout abit louder when commanders are looking my way. During the last walk back to our habouring area in the middle of the woods, i reflected. I cant help but wonder why im so unhappy, why am i suddenly so sceptical even when im here for 1 month already.

Like a relevation, it came to me that i was slowly letting go of my life values to achieve someone else's goal, trying to fight for something i dont even understand. Im not happy at all, whats the point? Thank god for the light that shed on me, im going to hold on to my values even when they weigh a tonne to carry, even when it means that i cannot reach the fruit because i won't even enjoy it proudly. So hold on to your values people, cuz they make who you are, without values, a person is just another human being.