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你最近还好吗
Monday, January 17, 2011
Earlier on when i was recording something on keyboard for my colleague. Played a recording of your singing and playing of piano by accident. I didnt know i still had it in my phone. You know what, i threw away the stuff i used to collect; the tickets, concert ticket, the little things. All kept in the salmon mentaiko bento; the first dinner you bought for me. I deleted all the smses on the very night so i could get some sleep, i really needed it. I started a blog then deleted it, lived in denial for awhile. I block all the sources of newsfeed, i avoid places. I bury myself in work and social.
After forgetting your phone number which i remember by heart, after eating in the same places, with the same order, even failure to cry when the director asked me to, i thought i had went back to the me before you. Just one hug and i allow myself to drink so much i couldnt recognise. Just one audio file and everything i seem to be working for seems futile. Sometimes i feel so trapped. No one to warm my left hand when the car air-con gets cold. No one to feed me gummy bears. No one to tell me its alright to be a blur on the roads. No more waking up to morning greetings and no more ending the day with you. I promise myself that this is a new year i won't let 2010 affect now and the future. I wont even talk about you anymore in front of my friends. I took forever and i still cannot forget her. For you, i dont know how long it will take. Maybe like what Daniel Gottlieb said, we have to learn how to live with these feelings of longing. I have alot to deal with already. Can I just please have one less feeling of missing.
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Breathe~
眀天会更好， 明天的明天会更更好，明天的明天的明天会更好。 I believe.
Don't get so worked up~ Its just me